You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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