wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
