3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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