Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
