dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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