just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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