just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize