I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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