You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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