The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
