No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
