Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
