I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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