he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
