Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
