The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
