I cannot find my penis.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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