She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
