My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
