Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
