My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize