He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
