just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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