I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
accomplished twins. life is a go
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
