woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
