Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
