I think i peed on brittanys purse
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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