Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
