there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
