Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
