I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
