Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
