Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize