wakey wakey hands off snakey
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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