Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
this will be a night to untag.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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