My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
