The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
