Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
