I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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