I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
