they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Vodka?
Forever.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
