I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
