i just had sex bonerless
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
