i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
