I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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