my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
