I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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