It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize