Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
