Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
