i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
