No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
