Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
