I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
