Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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