He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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