I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Girls should come with a carfax report
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize