If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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