VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
