I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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