I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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