Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
