I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
