I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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