Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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