I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
