your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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