I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
