I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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