There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
please come you make the beer taste better
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize