dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My pussy is not your playground.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
