How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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