Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize