i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
